Red As my Eyes
by MeadowFlowers
Summary: Sadstuck! Dave is sick and tired of all the bullying he gets, and turns to a blade as his only comfort. Can a young man, who's nearly thirteen, help Dave out? It so happens this young man is dating Dave Strider. Now what is this young man's name? Trigger warnings, thanks to Kankri, will be added at the beginning of each chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, I have a brand new fanfiction, and my first ever Homestuck fanfiction! When I first got into Homestuck last November, I didn't think I'd ever write fanfiction for it, and yet, here we are. I love Sadstuck, even if I hide that from my friends who also love Homestuck. This is JohnxDave, so if you don't like the pairing, you've been warned.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck, I'm just someone who got trapped in the fandom.**

 **Trigger warnings brought to you by Kankri Vantas: Self-harm in detail, 6ullying, 6l99d, gay relationship (n9thing graphic), self hate, negative b9dy image, Transph9bia. Y9u have 6een warned.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

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April, the time of the year where most thirteen year-old were wearing their t-shirts. I, Dave Strider, chooses to continue wearing long sleeves. I told Bro it was for ironic purposes, but that was as much a lie as school was good. I decided to hang around the park near school, Bro probably wasn't home yet anyways. I pulled out my phone to see if John was on pesterchum. Sadly he wasn't on, and neither was Rose or Jade. Unfortunately, I was looking down at my phone long enough for some girls to come up to me.

"Hey Lizzie," The leader of the group called out, "What are you doing here"

"My name isn't Lizzie, it's Dave." I said casually, trying to keep my cool.

"Oh, but sweetie, that's a boy's name, and you're a girl." The rest of the group giggled at that comment.

"No, I'm a boy. Now leave me alone."

The leader of the group spoke up again. "Maybe it's a good thing you think you're a boy. You're way too ugly to be a girl."

"Lizzie's way too ugly to be a boy too." One of the other girls called out. It caused another round of laughter. Two of the girls pushed me to the ground, and a third one kicked me in the gut. Once they were finished beating me up, I had a bloody nose, and several bruises.

"Bye, Lizzie." They called out, voices like the poison of a viper, "See at school tomorrow, you freak."

I got up, and acted as if nothing had happened, apart from cleaning up my now blood covered face. Once all the girls were out of sight, I slowly headed home. I heard my phone vibrating in my Jean pocket. I turn on my pesterchum, _**ectoBiologist.**_ I smile, when I seen that John was on. _At least he doesn't think I'm a freak._

 **EB:** Hey, Dave. Sorry I didn't answer you. Dad wanted me to test a new cake he made. Anyways, how are you doing?

 **TG:** Pretty good. I just finished school, but for ironic reasons, choose not to go home right yet. So it's April, a week until your 13th b-day. Excited?

 **EB:** I can't wait! I already got Jade and Rose's presents. They made sure that I wouldn't open them early. I'm still waiting on a present from my boyfriend.

 **TG:** Yeah? I'm sure your boyfriend has an amazing present for you.

 **EB:** Well I guess I'll just need to wait. :)

 **TG:** How many days?

 **EB:** Only two more. I can't believe Dad is letting me come visit you for two weeks! It will be the longest we've seen each other. I already have everything packed.

 **TG:** Dude, I can't wait either. It will be good to see you again. Bro is even letting you sleep in my room, just maybe don't tell your dad.

 **EB:** Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Man, your Bro is awesome!

 **TG:** As much as I'd love to chat to the cutest boy in the world, I just got home. I'll talk to you in a bit.

 **EB:** Okay. Bye Dave. Love you 3

 **TG:** I love you too. 3

I put my phone on its charger when I went into my room. As usual, Bro wasn't home to greet me. He left a note taped to my door.

 _Dave,_

 _Working late tonight_

 _Probably will get home around 11pm_

 _Pizza is in the freezer._

 _Bro_.

I just crumpled up the piece of paper, and toss it into my garbage bin. _Perfect, Bro won't be home for a while._ I thought, walking over to my dresser. I opened the bottom drawer, and carefully take out the few things in it. Once everything is out, I lift up a thin sheet of wood. Underneath the wood, was three blades, two from a pencil sharpener, which I threw away years ago. The other was from an old packaging knife. I grabbed the larger of the two sharpener blades. Before leaving, I went to my closet, and grabbed the first aid kit, I made over time, by taking things from around the house, or asking for at school. I was able to get a few boxes of large bandages a while back from the superstore. I didn't look too suspicious. I only had about ten of the large ones left. _I should probably get a new box soon._ I thought as I headed towards the washroom.

I locked the door, even though no one was home. I felt comfort in no being able to react me. I took off the shirt, and looked in the mirror. I hate my body, and always have. I wish I was just born a boy, my life would have been a lot easier. I leave my binder on, even though Bro, and John tell me to take it off as soon as I get home. Most days I listen to them, John won't stop bugging me until I do. I trace over my scars. I have words written on my arms, 'worthless', 'freak', 'fake'. I began to cry.

"Why was I born like this? Why does the world hate me so much?" I laid my left hand on the cold counter top. With my other hand I took my blade, and began to shred my forearm.

I continued cutting, and after fifteen minutes, I switched to my legs. Tears fell onto my cuts, causing them to sting. After a few more minutes of cutting I put the blade under water to clean it. I wrapped all my cuts in toilet paper, and began the slow process of cleaning them. I held paper over them for a minute before washing, and drying them. By that time there's already blood coming out of the cuts again. I got rid of the blood, and quickly put a bandage over them before more blood could appear. Once I finished cleaning all my fresh cuts, I clean up all the bloody paper, and tossed it away.

I headed back to my room, as if nothing had happened. When I was cutting, I was thinking about John. Not in a bad way, but thinking of him, helps me not go too far. He helps me survive, even when he has no idea. I guess that's how love works, at least, it's what I tell myself. I put my blade back; I wouldn't want Bro to find it. I go down to get some food, seeing as it's already passed 7. The pizza didn't taste all that good, and it took my forever to actually eat. By the time I finished my homework, it was rather late. _John is probably getting ready to go to sleep, seeing as he's two time zones ahead._ I grab my phone. John had been trying to get a hold of me.

 **EB:** Hey Dave, make sure to take off your binder. I don't need to have my boyfriend hurt when I come to visit.

 **EB:** Dave? You around?

 **EB:** It's getting late out here, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Make sure to get some sleep. I love you 3 Night Dave.

He sent that over an hour ago, so I knew he was already asleep. I answer him, to keep him from worrying.

 **TG:** Yeah, talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams dude. I love you. Goodnight.

I didn't go to sleep, I stayed up all night crying. When Bro came home, I just put the sheets over me head, so he couldn't tell I was awake still. I thought about John, and was finally able to get an hour of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Another chapter for this fanfiction. Sorry it took so long, but I have been busy with school and travel. Better late than never at least so here you go.**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own Homestuck**

 **Trigger warnings thanks to Kankri: menti9ns 9f cutting, 6ullying, transph96ia, 69y x 69y. If 9ne 9f m9re 9f these are triggers t9 y9u it is rec9mmended y9u d9n't read this fanficti9n. y9u have 6een warned.**

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I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. I turn on my light to see blood on my pillow case. One of my bandages came off during the night, causing the cuts to bleed onto it. It was a good thing all my sheets were a crimson colour, the colour of my blood. I took the pillow case off and replaced it with a new one. I hide to blood stain sheet away in my closet, so I can clean it when I get home. I wouldn't want Bro to worry, not that he's here. I grabbed a set of clothes and had to the washroom.

Before I put on my new outfit, I check my cuts from yesterday. They still hurt a lot, which is normal, the pain tends to go unnoticed after about a full day. I don't take off the bandages for a day or two, unless they start to come off. I check the unbandaged cuts, and put some cream on them, after I wash them. I never put cream on until the next day when the wounds are no longer open, as it's not for internal use. Once I finished my usual routine of cleaning cuts, I get dressed. I have a fairly standard outfit, mostly red. The red makes it easier to hide my blood. I flinch putting on my binder, as the tight fabric rubs my scars. Once I fix my hair I leave, making sure to leave no evidence they I had to clean some cuts.

I grabbed some breakfast, and turn on pesterchum. John is at school, and Rose probably is too, since time zones. I decided to pester Jade for a bit to see what she's doing.

 **TG:** Hey Jade you around?

 **GG:** Oh, hi Dave! Shouldn't you be at school?

 **TG:** Haha. Yeah, I'm heading out soon, school doesn't start for an hour.

 **GG:** Oh! I thought you and John were in the same time zone. He's already gone.

 **TG:** Yeah, he's one over. I'm almost ready for school anyways.

 **GG:** Speaking of John, it's his birthday soon, you get his present?

 **TG:** Yeah, it's in my room, I hope he likes it.

 **GG:** I'm sure he will, but it won't top seeing his boyfriend!

 **TG:** I'm guessing he told you? It's a present to both of us.

 **GG:** I hope you to have fun! Remember not to wear your binder at night when he's over.

 **TG:** John would kill me if I did. He's an overprotective boyfriend to me.

 **GG:** Finish getting ready, I'll bug you during lunch.

 **TG:** Okay, bye Jade.

I finished eating, large breakfasts are a key part of diet. The girls always take my lunch, and money so I

stopped bringing it. I just eat more in the morning so I don't get hungry. I didn't want to face them again, but I can't miss school. That means dealing with a mad Bro, which can be worst, then kids sometimes. Before leaving the house, I did one last check of my cuts. Wouldn't want to cause a problem at school.

"Let's see if I can survive today." I said heading out, and locking the door.

School was boring as usual, thankfully I didn't have gym until the end of the day. Unfortunately that didn't stop the bullying. At lunch they forced me into the girls restroom, (they have one gender neutral one at this school). It was terrible, I got dunked in the toilet. They didn't get in trouble, and someone yelled at me. A younger girl, maybe 6th grade, I felt bad about it, but at least she seen me as a boy.

I hate gym class. Thankfully Bro spoke to the school, (that didn't end super well, but it worked) so I can go change in the gender neutral restroom. I don't want to be in either the boys or girls, I would get hurt in both of those cases. Plus it's easier to hide my scars, since they are under my sweatshirt. The class itself isn't fun either, for starters I can't play sports. I'm not very good, and the whole transgender thing makes it impossible to play on teams since they're all based on gender. Then we have boys against girls, they let me be with the boys. I'm always a target, for both teams. I can never wait for class to be over, it is the best feeling in the world. okay, second to being with John.

Gym ended the day, which I liked. I was in a different part of the school, from my bullies. I was gathering my stuff, when my phone went off. It was from Bro.

Bro: Head to front of school. Got a surprise there

Oh great, what could he want. Bro never comes to my school, like ever. He's rarely home as is. I decided to actually do what he said. That meant running into some annoying bullies.

"Oh hey Lizzie, why didn't you come change in the girls' locker room like the rest of us? You just want to be special?" The leader called out.

"My name is Dave Strider, I'm not a girl. Leave me alone." I said pulling at my sleeve.

"Actually you are a girl. Grab her!" Immediately two of them pinned me down on the frigid tile. two more grabbed my legs, after nearly kicking them. Their leader, Brooke Wilton, I will never forget her name, the source of all my pain. She took out a black sharpie, and wrote something on my forehead, on my neck too.

"That should teach you Lizzie" They all started to laugh. Then I got kicked, and punched. They finally left me alone.

I looked in the mirror, they wrote, "I'm a girl, loser, mutant, nothing." Hot tears poured down my cheeks. Why was I born like this. Why couldn't I have been born normal? I remembered my message from Bro, and hurried. He'd be mad about the writing, but I can say it was all for fun. I headed out the front, and looked around for him. Suddenly I felt someone run into me from behind. I was about to yell at whoever it was when I felt I was being pulled into a hug.

I felt a lot of emotions, as I turned around to face the love of my life, John Egbert. I hugged him tightly, everything negative from the day dissolved into nothing with his embrace.

"I missed you cutie." John said, hugging back.

"You're early, Dude!" I was so happy to see him. He pulled away for me, and that's when I was reminded of the marker incident that happened.

"Dave, what happened? Who did this to you?" John seemed mad, but I tried to not cry.

"It's fine. Promise." I tried to keep my voice steady.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you cleaned up."

We headed to my place, holding hands the entire time. I was so glad to have my boyfriend early, nothing that happened today mattered anymore. He was the only thing that mattered to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey I'm back with a new chapter, since a lot of people seem to like this story. Thank you to sonicshadowbro for the comment, I really hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **disclaimer: still dont own Homestuck**

 **Kankri's warnings: 69y x 69y, menti9ns 9f self harm, 6ullying. y9u have 6een warned.**

I walked home with John in silence, our hands intertwined with one another. I cried quietly as I lead him to my apartment. I couldn't be more happy to see the love of my life again, but I never wanted him to know my pain. I fumbled for my key when when we reached the door. That was the first time we let go of each other.

Once we were inside, John grabbed my wrist tightly, hitting a cut from yesterday. I tried my best to hide the pain it caused me. He looked me in the eyes before speaking, but I already knew what he was going to tell me.

"Dave, please tell me who did this. I know someone hurt you." He kissed my forehead.

"I'm okay John. Really, it was just some joke."

"Dave, you can't hide that from your boyfriend. I love you, and I hate seeing you like this." John grabs a cloth off the counter, and puts water on it. as carefully as possible, he presses to my face and neck. I begin to sob more.

"Thanks John. I love you." I give him a kiss on the lips. He smiles a large toothy grin. His eyes, so blue they match the Atlantic ocean.

"Early birthday present I see." He smirks stealing another kiss. "why don't we video chat with Jade, and Rose?"

I nod in response, lost in the beauty of his deep eyes.

"Go get changed into a sport bra. I know you love your binders, but we're just staying here."

I laughed, "If only I could say no to the cutest boy in the world." I walk to my room, and change into more breathable clothes.

When I call John up, I've already started the chat with Jade.

"Hi Jade! I haven't spoken to you in a while." John said, laying his head on my shoulder. I immediately put a protective arm around him. I could hear Jade squeal at that. she's always been like that.

"Hey John. Did you like your early visitor Dave?" At that point I realised everyone was in on this.

"You guys all knew about this?"

John giggled, "You're not the only one with a birthday surprise, and weren't we going to talk to Rose as well?"

Jade answers before I can, "Rose said she's busy with her studies at boarding school. I could hear Kanaya in the background, so most likely a date."

"So what about you, Jade? How's your boyfriend?" I said with a smirk. This caused Jade to become a deep shade of red.

"Jake is not my boyfriend, he just works here. It's not like that at all."

John and I just start laughing. We continue talking for nearly an hour. When we turn the computer off I went downstairs to get some food. There was pasta from a few nights ago that I heated up for us.

While we were eating, I was to focused on my boyfriend I didn't notice my sleeve falling down.

"Dave, there's something on your arm." He reaches over to look at it, but I pull my arm away.

"It's nothing, I fell during gym today." That wasn't a complete lie, I did actually trip a few times today, but that's not what caused the harm.

I look into John's eyes, "Okay, make sure to take care of it." I know by his tone of voice, he found out my secret.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! sorry for the long wait. I just got back from a seven night eight day summer camp. I got eaten alive, and wrote this the day after getting back. I hope everyone likes it.**

 **I don't own Homestuck.**

 **Kankri is too busy yelling at Cronus, (who was bugging kids at a summer camp) so the same triggers as last chapter apply.**

* * *

After eating, I put our dishes away. I noticed that John hadn't eaten a lot, but it was his travel day so I didn't think much of it. Dirk still wasn't home, but it was getting really late. I decided to just go upstairs and cuddle with John. I could hear him on the phone, most likely with his dad, making sure he go there safe. I waited downstairs until he was finished, not wanting to invade the conversation even if he was in my room. I couldn't really hear what was going on.

A few minutes later, John stopped talking so I headed back upstairs. He had already changed into his cute PJs covered in cakes.

"Hey John, getting ready for bed I see?" I forced a smile on my face, but he seen through it as if it was glass. He ran up to me, and I nearly fell on the ground when he hugged me.

"I love you, Dave. I love you more than the whole world. Please stay safe. If not for you, do it for the ones you love." Warm tears hit my back, as John started to sob. I held on to him for my life. My final connection to the world.

"I love you too. I-I'm sorry, I wanted to protect you from myself." I was crying too at this point. It was the truth of why I never told him, at least part of the truth. I wanted him to think I was fine, and happy, so he could be happy too. I also knew he'd try to take my blades.

"I want to help you Dave. For now, I just want to cuddle with my cool boyfriend. Go change." He kissed me lightly, also as if he was afraid I'd shatter under any more pressure. When he pulled away from my embrace I got I good look at his eyes. They were clouded over, hollow in a way I've never seen them look before.

"Okay" That was all I could say without falling apart as I went to go change.

I spent I long time looking in the mirror at myself that night. I tried to hide my breasts. They weren't very big, but it wasn't flat like all the other boys I know. I looked over every inch of my deadly pale skin, each scar, and burn. I hate how I look, because I was given the wrong body. I slipped my shorts and shorts on, making sure to take off my bra.

When I got back to my room, I could tell John had been crying some more, but he tried his best to hide his worry. I chose not to notice his expression, as I put my clothes away. I crawled into bed with him. I could feel him shivering even thought he was already under two warm blankets.

"John? Are you cold? I could get you another blanket." I ask softly. I knew he hated needing help.

"T-thinks Dave. I'm kinda cold." John replied.

When I came back with a blanket, John was sitting up coughing. I immediately went to him for comfort. One he stopped coughing, I gave him a hug asking, "are you sick? What happened?"

"I'm fine Dave. I'm don't think I'm getting sick." John gave me I smile, but his eyes told me it was fake, and that something was actually wrong, but I wasn't going to question. I was too tired for that.

We fell asleep cuddling under a mountain of blankets to make sure John wasn't cold. I was worried about him now. After he was asleep I felt his stomach. It was far too thin compared to the last time I seen him. I didn't think anything of it, and fell asleep, forgetting the whole thing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey look, I'm actually updating stories again! I was on vacation most of August, but didn't write too much. I have a few new Homestuck story ideas, but I'm decided to prevent not updating forever, to only do one or two at the same time. I don't like unfinised stories, no one does, so there is my reason. Anyways enjoy, same triggers as always for thus fanficion. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: Still not mine, at least I don't think *checks to make sure I don;t own Homestuck* nope I don't.**

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By the time i woke up the next morning John was already gone. I Glanced over at my clock, it read 7:53. shoot, I need to leave for school by 8:15. I hurried to change, forgetting that my door was unlocked. I was adjusting my binder when I heard the doorknob click.

I didn't have time to cover my scarred body before John walked in. He stopped midstep once he seen me. I looked down at the floor ashamed, nearly able to say, "I-I'm sorry John." I was terrified to hear what he had to say.

After what seemed like forever later, John finally spoke. "Get dressed Dave. Come downstairs and eat afterwards. This will be discuss when you get back from school." He gave me a kiss on the cheek, then left. His eyes looked even sadder than they had the night before.

I did as he had told me to, and five minutes later went down to the kitchen. He was busy making something on the stove. Cooking is about the only thing I'll admit to him being better than me at. He didn't notice I was there yet.

"Hey cutie. What are you making?" I asked him while I was sitting down.

He turn around carrying a frying pan over to where I was. " Scrambled eggs for the cutest boy in the world." When he put them on a plate fro me I noticed that there weren't any left.

"John where's your food?" I was really puzzled.

"I already ate. I got hungry before you woke up. Don't worry love." He planted a kiss on top of my head. "Now eat, you are not going to be late. You don't need to go tomorrow." He turned to clean up.

I shoved my breakfast down as fast as I could then ran out the door. "Bye John, love you, see you when I get back." Before I heard an answer I was already out of the apartment. As much as I wanted to be with John, he was not walking with me to school. It's already bad enough he knows I'm being bullied.

The walk, or run like run to school wasn't bad. I actually liked it, the only issue was the ending was when I got to school. Where my bullies were waiting for me.

"Lizzie, who was that boy yesterday? How much did you pay him to date you?" They giggles as I past them. I tried to ignore it, but they started following me to class. "Lizzie, answer us!"

"I'm sorry." I replied, "Were you talking to me? It wouldn't make sense since my name is Dave."

"You think you're sooo special. Why can't you just accept that no one likes you. It's hard to blame them, you claim to be a boy. Which you aren't."

"I think the real problem here, isn't me, but people like you. You know the world isn't black and white. What if you were born in a boy's body? You would still be a girl on the inside. Now leave me alone."

Thankfully the warning bell choose that moment to ring. As I walking away from them, I heard one of them shout, "This isn't over, You'll always be a girl!"

I hurried to English class. My eyes were glossed over, and I was so close to tears. I left class not long after it started, and headed to the gender neutral washroom.

After locking the door, I pulled out the first somewhat sharp object that I had, a pair of scissors. I rolled up my sleeves, and put the blade to my skin.


	6. Chapter 6

**Guess who's actually writing for once. That's right, I decide to try and finish this story. I wasn't uploading for a while so I'm writing a few chapters while in a writing mood, and they will be spread out a bit. Good news, I have what's going to happen in every chapter already, so the ending is already chosen. This fanfiction is going to be 11 chapters long. I only have to write the final two.**

 **I'm going to update this fanfiction every Monday, starting today.**

 **Warning! this is a cliffhanger. If you hate that, wait until next Moday to read this one.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Homestuck. Also, I can't speak for everyone about how transgender people are treated. Most of my LGBTQ friends and I are well accepted.**

I was only in the washroom for a few minutes. I added only five new cuts to my large collection. I wanted to add even more, but the teacher would notice, and I only had two bandages on me. I hurried to clean myself off, and headed to class.

Lunch was the same as it is every day. My food got stolen, and I hadn't eaten as much that morning since John made it for me. I had a bit of change left on me, so I went to get some apple juice. On my way there I ran into my bullies.

"Hey look who it is." One of them called, forcing me to the ground. "It's our special princess. Don't look look adorable."

"You know what girls? I think Lizzie would look nice with lipstick." Another one called out. Two of them pinned me to the ground, while another one put her bright red lipstick on me.

"You look so much prettier now. It really brings out the colour of your eyes." They hissed at me. By the time they done hurting me this break, I was covered with lipstick. They even got it in my hair and on my clothes.

One of the nicer teachers was around when it happened. She helped me up, and brought me to the office. It wasn't my first time there for this reason. Most times I just went there, and got cleaned up, then back off to class. This time was different. The principal Mr. Noir, wanted to speak with me.

"Why does this keep on happening Elizabeth?" He asked me. Like many teachers I have, Mr. Noir refused to call me Dave, or use He/Him pronouns.

"They keep on calling me a girl, and making fun of me for how I look." I replied knowing full well it was useless to argue with him.

"As long as you keep claiming to be male, you will be treated this way by your peers. They aren't many rules in place to help you with that. AS far as i can see the school is doing more than needed to fit this phase." I remembered last time I was here to talk about my rights as a transgender male. It didn't go over well with Bro.

"They were making fun of my eyes. There has to be something against that." I argued. It didn't have anything to do with me being transgender, but I knew this was an uphill battle.

"I will talk to the girls about this later today. For now please try to understand you make them uncomfortable." Not this again.

"Really? I make them uncomfortable. They aren't going around afraid to be harassed when they turn a corner. When did they ever get told off for what they wear to school." I was losing my temper with this guy. Transgender males and females have to deal with transphobic people everyday. Like I want to deal with those idiots.

"I think it's best yup go to class now Elizabeth, or else I'll need to call your parents."

"I don't have parents, I only have my brother!" I shouted, leaving the the office. It was fifth period now, health class, lovely.

One thing I hate about health class is they only teach us about straight and cis everything. It sucks a lot. Not to mention that I got stuck with the homophobic teacher. It's a good thing gym and health aren't with the same person. I never really pay attention in this class. They miss over everything i should know, like mental health.

"Miss Strider, pay attention! You need to know this information as a young lady." I don;t even pretend to care.

"I was paying attention." I glare at her.

The PA system turned on at that point, which was never good in the middle of class time if nothing was planned. "Miss Elizabeth Strider please head towards Mr. Noir's office immediately."

"Take your things with you." My teacher said as I got up.

"I wouldn't trust anyone here not to take it." I snapped.

I headed down the empty hallways of the school. I was pretty sure one of my bullies had said I did something to hurt her. It wouldn't be the first time they pulled that on me. On my way there I thought of every reason I could be sent to the office.

When I got to Mr. Noir's office I noticed the door was slightly open. Some one else was in there. I knocked on the door.

"Mr. Noir?" I said opening the door. Inside the room was Bro. This could only end badly. "What did I get in trouble for 'doing' this time?"

Bro just looked at me. It must be bad for him to not be at work. "Dave, John was taken to the ER. I'm here to bring you there now."

Bro carried me to his car as I cried.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 is here, as promised. I'm working very hard to finish this Fanfiction for you guys. I really like the plot line, and hope you guys do. All the chapters have been write, and are coming out soon.**

 **Warning! This fanfiction chapter has eating disorders, as well as slightly graphic suicide. If that makes you uneasy, may want to skip this chapter. you have been warned**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck. I am also not an doctor or expert on eating disorders. If I'm honest I haven't been in a hospital (not clinics I've been to those) since I was like five. So if that part is a little inaccurate sorry.**

Once I calmed down a little, I asked Bro, "What happened to John?" I could hardly say that. Bro handed me a tissue.

"I'm not sure, I wasn't there. John fainted while he was at the park. Mrs. Crocker seen him. After calling 911, she called me. I came to get you as soon as I hung up."

"Why did he faint?" I was scared to know what the reason, I've watched a few shows about hospitals. Most of the time it wasn't an easy thing to fix.

"I'm not sure. The doctors will have to tell you that one little Bro."

The rest of the the drive was silent. I was still crying a bit when we pulled into the parking lot. It took us a while to find a spot.

"Dave are you ready? You need to be strong for John." He gave me a smile. I hadn't seen him in a few days, but I didn't like the reason behind seeing him.

"I think so." I dried away my tears a bit, knowing that they still stained my face. I gave Bro the strongest smile I could muster, with that we headed into the waiting room.

"Dave why don't you go sit down, Okay?" He wasn't really asking me, I could tell by his tone. "I'm going to see what information they have for us."

I sat down and looked at my phone. There was a message from Jade asking how I was. I decided not to look at it. The last thing I need is to have a worried Jade to deal with. Bro came by to sit next me.

"They said a doctor will come out and talk to us. John's dad already got contacted and it's find for us to know how John is." He told me. I noticed he looked really nervous, a thing that rarely happens to my Bro. The last time was when he found out I was transgender, and git teased for it.

"That's good. At least we can hear what's wrong soon."

A doctor came out a few minutes later. "Are you two John Egbert's friends?" He asked us.

"Yes," Bro held me back a bit."My younger brother is his close friend. John was visiting him for a short time. How is he?"

"We believe that reason for him fainting had to do with lack of food. We are running a blood test now. Based off of what we have so far, it appears that John was Anorexia Nervosa."

When he said that images from the time he was here ran through my mind. Him being thinner, getting cold, and not eating with me. It all added up; I can't believe I didn't see it.

"Can I see him?" I asked. Tears were forming in my eyes again. He was sick I didn't even notice!

"Unfortunately he cannot have visitors today. You can come back in two days once we determine how severe his disorder is."

Bro brought me home right after. I wouldn't go back to school anyways. I couldn't, not with knowing john was in the hospital. Bro dropped me off so he could go get us some Chinese food.

Once he left I went to the cabinet over our stove and took out some painkillers, then headed to my room. I wrote a quick letter to Bro, and one to John.

I placed the two letters next to the picture on my nightstand. It was of the first time we had met a year ago. I pulled out one of my blades, and slashed my arms over and over, until everything nearby was cover in a crimson liquid. Taking a handful of pills, I shoved them into my mouth.

I was I pain for about ten minutes, it felt as if I was being stabbed on every inch of me. Then slowly everything went numb, until it went black and I felt nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm back again with chapter 8. This chapter is a little shorter, but its really cute and lots of John x Dave. I am back in school, so I wont be writing as much fanfictions for the next few months. My new school loves to give homework, so less time to write. I hope you understand, but i am trying my hardest.** **Disclaimer: don't own homestuck.**

I could hear machines when I woke up. I didn't know where I was, or what had happened in the past day. My eyes fluttered open, to reveal a white room. There were wires and tubes attached to me. To my left was another bed, John was laying there, asleep. I could tell this was the hospital, but for what reason was I here?

"Hello Dave, I'm the doctor taking care of you. Do you remember what happened last night?" I hadn't noticed he'd come into the room until he spoke.

"No not really. Why am I here? What happened to John?" I could feel hot tears running down my cheeks. My voice started t crack, and I was afraid.

"You came here yesterday to see John. You went home with your brother, and he left to get some food. When he came back, you were on the ground. You tried to commit suicide, and were rushed here."

"I remember that." The memories from the day before flooded back. Then I thought of John. "Who is John? Is he hurt?"

" John is doing well. He's sleeping right now. You gave him a bit of a fright. We had to put him on some sleeping medications last night. He wanted to stay up with you." That made me smile, he was going to be okay.

"When will he wake up?" I really wanted to talk to him.

"Soon, but don't wake him up please. He needs to recover too. I'll leave you alone." He left the room. The only noises were machines, and John's light snoring.

I didn't have my phone in the room, so I watched John. I noticed how thin he really was. You could see the bones underneath his skin. He didn't look healthy in the slightest. I can't believe he kept this from me. How long was this going on? John started to stir in his sleep, then opened his eyes, facing my direction.

"Dave? Is that you?" He said sleepily.

"The one and only. Good morning hansom- ow!" I couldn't finish my sentence, John was already on top of me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. HE was hitting some of my cuts, bu ti didn't mind. My boyfriend was with me again, and that's all that mattered.

"I thought I lost you! They said you wouldn't make. That the chances were so small. You were out for a few days." He was crying, I've never seen John this upset. It broke my heart to see him this way.

" What day is it?" How long was I out for. I mean, I didn't want to wake up, but now that I'm back. I didn't even think about all the people I would hurt.

"April 13th. Jade and Rose have been so worried about you. Everyone has." John still hadn't let go of me, and I doubted that he would soon.

"April 13th? It's someone's birthday?" I forced a smile to hopefully make John feel better. " Make a birthday wish?"

"It already came true." He kissed my lips. "I got you back. I know I won't lose you."

"I'll never worry you like this again. I'm so sorry John. I'm sorry I terrified you." I was crying again.

"Dave, don't apologize. Just be thankful that you're still here. Please don't ever do that again." I somehow managed to hold him even tighter with those words.

"You'll never lose me John. I love you, just stay here with me."

He nodded, and laid down next to me on the small hospital bed. We stayed there in silence for a very long time. It was almost as if everything was normal again. Two normal, healthy teenagers in love. John had fallen back to sleep. Normal sounded pretty nice right now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Here we are with another chapter of this story. My time to write fanfiction has gotten a lot shorter. Today I have 3 quizzes at school, and i have a lot of projects due. Basically, my work for school this year is super different from last year. I will try to write some new fanfictions for Homestuck, but please give me some time. Anyways, enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck.**

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I was in the hospital for another week or so. They wanted to make sure all the cuts on me had healed up well, and didn't get infected. Most days I spent with John, unless one of us was getting treatment. We didn't want to leave each other. Finally I was told I could leave.

"Now Dave once you leave, your brother will need to watch you closely. He will need to check for new cuts daily." My doctor told me.

"Am I really going to get to go home?" I couldn't believe it, but part of me didn't want to. "What about John? When can he come home?"

"That's none of your business, but you should go and see him while your brother is discharging you."

I ran to John's room, much to the annoyance of the nurses. When I got there a nurse was just leaving. She was dropping off his lunch.

"Hey John, eat up." I smiled, entering the room. " I'm leaving today."

"That's good. I'm glad your better." He was hiding his face from me, a sure sign that he was upset about me leaving.

"Hey, it's fine. I'm going to visit you everyday. I don't want you to get bored. I'd be a pretty bad boyfriend if that's the case." I laughed, but tears began to fall from John's eyes. I sat down next to him, and pulled him into a hug. "John, tell me what's wrong. Please I need to know what's going on."

"I'm glad you're healthy enough to go home, but you were closely watched while you were here. Once you get to your apartment, it's up to you what you do. At least in the hospital, I know you're safe. I'm can't stand the idea that you could be hurting yourself." I understood his fears, I felt the same way when I found out that he was starving himself.

"John, I'll be okay. They wouldn't let me leave if I wasn't you know that." I tried to sound as positive as I could, but one thing I learned about hospitals is that even on your best days, you're still here, and still sick.

"No! How can I know you won't cut again. Don't lie to me, that wasn't your first time cutting, and you could start again. Dave, you are my whole universe, and I can't lose you."

"John," I forced him to look me in the eyes, I wasn't wearing my shades, this wasn't an ironic time. "I love you to no end. When I found out you were hurt... I don't know. I wasn't thinking right. It won;t happen again trust me."

He pulled away from me, looking the other way. "What about all those cuts then? You weren't thinking during that time either? Dave you're my boyfriend you can always talk to me about your problems. I didn't know how badly you were hurting. I knew you were bullied, but I did nothing, a-and I almost lost you because of it." He completely lost in with the tears. I held him tightly.

We sat there in silence until John had calmed down a decent amount. I rubbed his back while humming to help. Once the loud sobbing had ended, I asked, "Are you feeling a bit better now John?"

"I-I think so. I'm just worried about you."

"I know you are. I wasn't thinking of how my actions would hurt you as well. Now eat your meal." I noticed he still hadn't touched it.

"I'm not hungry Dave." He looked ashamed of himself. I kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Please John. I love you, and knowing you hurt yourself, hurts me too. All that stuff you said about me goes both ways. I want to protect you." I was close crying again. Anorexia can lead to lots of health problems, including death if it goes too far. I cannot let him reach that point.

I picked up a slice of his sandwich. There wasn't a lot on the plate, but I was going to watch him eat the whole meal. It was a lot to John, and I needed to support him. John took a bit out of the sandwich, it was a very small piece, but at least he had something.

"I don't really like it." I could tell from John's voice that he was lying. I thought for a moment to think of the best way to handle this problem.

"You need to eat, otherwise I'll get really depressed again. I can't stand the idea of you being here sick. That thought will hurt. please, John, you need to get better."

"I will eat if you stop cutting. Deal?"

"Deal," I replied.

One of the doctors came into the room at that point. Bro was with him, so they must be looking for me. the doctor said, "Dave you're all set to go. John is getting some tests done now so you'll need to leave his room anyways."

I gave John a kiss and hugged him. While my head was on his shoulder I whispered, "Please try for me. Love you." When I stood up he nodded.

"Goodbye Dave, I'll miss you a lot." He took another bite, to prove he would try his best.

"Goodbye, I'll miss you too." When Bro and I left the room I didn't look back.

The entire way back to the apartment I thought about what he had told me. I hoped that he would try to get better. This must have been how he felt, if not worst, when I nearly died. I promised I would never put him through that again. I could hurt myself so easily, but not John. I could never hurt him.

When we got back, the first thing I did was take all my blades I throw them in the trash.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, Everyone. Another chapter for you guys only one left which will be coming out next Monday. I've been on a huge Maze Runner writing craze, thanks to someone in my class. If you are reading this friend from school, Hi!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own homestuck.**

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I went back to school two days after I was released from the hospital. By this time it was already the beginning of May, two months left in the school year. John was still in the hospital here, since his dad thought being near me would help him. His condition wasn't much better than it was when he was first in the hospital with me.

Today in biology we were learning about how to cut open pigs. Even though I used to cut, the idea of hurting an animal was cruel. Maybe that's how John saw it with me. I was getting really grossed out by the video and raised my hand.

"Yes, Dave." Since the whole suicide thing, my teachers all had to call me Dave. Bro was working on legally changing it.

"Could I please leave the class? This video is making me feel sick." I said quietly, but not quite enough for the girls not to hear.

"You of all people shouldn't get grossed out by cutting things open, after all, you've done it on yourself." One snickered.

"Vriska! To the principal's office right now! Dave, you can go to the nurse's room."

I hurried out of the room. Vriska was going to follow me since the two were in the same area. Unfortunately, I couldn't get there fast enough. She came out behind me and grabbed the collar of my shirt. She pulled me back hard, and a fell onto the floor.

"What was that Lizzie? You think you're so special, pretending to have a tragic life. This how real life is, it hurts sometimes." She punched me in the face, "Now head on the cry in the nurse's room." She headed off school grounds, most likely to smoke with Karkat.

By the time I made it through the four-minute walk I was in tears. I was just done with everyone here hurting me. Because here I was the target, even more since I got out of the hospital. I'm either tortured more or pitied.

I stayed in that room until class was over, no matter how well I was feeling, I was not facing that class again today. The room is usually pretty quiet, but I'm not allowed to use my phone. Instead, I did a bit of homework while I waited for the lunch bell to go off.

Ever since I got back from the hospital, they made me have lunch in our resource room. They said it was to keep the mean girls away from me, which I don;t believe. They still bother me during class and any other chance they have. I got the feeling it was more to keep me away from blades, and drugs, not that I've ever done them.

I never really minded the resource room, because all the students there were nice. Apart from Gamzee, but he was always high, so he didn't really bother me. The teachers there always babied us, which got old rapidly. That was still better than having to face bullies, and I now was able to eat my lunch. The only downside to this was that Gamzee had told Karkat that I stayed there for lunch. That of course only made my day worst, because like everything I did, Vriska found a way to use it against me.

I became friends with one of the girls there, Terezi. She spent most of her school day here since she was blind. I really liked hanging out with her, and she treated me like I was a normal boy. In return, I treated her like she was a normal girl. She was at the hospital one day while I was there. We started talking since I seen her at school. She was usually Vriska's other target.

In the middle of our conversation, the PA system went on, and everyone went quiet. Everyone apart from Mituna, a grade 12 that was never quiet. "Elizabeth Strider to the office."

"Bye Terezi. I'm leaving now okay?" I always described what I was doing, for her to know what was going on.

"They really shouldn't call you Elizabeth. Bye Dave!" She waved towards where my voice had been, but I was already at the door.

There were only a few people in the hallways right now, most left school property, or did homework. I walked with my head down all the way to the office. I did not want to draw any more attention to myself than I already had.

I wasn't even at the office door before I could hear Bro talking. I wondered why he would be here to pick me up, then my mind wondered to John. I was worried something bad had happened to him, after doing so good the last few weeks. I knocked.

"Come in." Mr Noir called out. I knew he was refusing to call me any masculine terms. I entered the room and refused to look at Bro.

"What happened to John?" I tried to sound strong but chocked up on my words.

"He's fine Dave, but we are going to go visit him right now." His expression was hard to understand, but he didn't seem to worry. Then again Why would we need to leave now, and not after school?

We left as soon as I grabbed my homework. There was no way I would waste time that I could be with my boyfriend. The drive was very quiet, as it usually was, but this time it felt different somehow.

I was out of the car as soon as Bro parked, and rushed to the entrance. The nurse at the desk let me by, knowing full well why I was here. I already knew the way to his room, and hurried more than I usually would, scared for John's life.

John was sitting on his bed, looking at that door for me to come. When he saw me, he lit up and ran to give me a hug. "John, what's wrong? Bro came to get me from school. Did something bad happen to you?" I didn't know I was shaking until John made me sit down.

"Dave, what are you talking about? Take a deep breath. Sit down."

I told him about when Bro picked me up, and that I was worried about him. By the time I was finished telling him everything I was in tears. "I can't lose you, John. You are the best part of my life."

John smiled at me and gave me a hug. "Dave, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Then why did Bro bring me here during school? He wouldn't take me out of school if it wasn't something bad." I couldn't look John in the eyes.

"He brought you because I had something important to tell you."

"What was so important. Please tell me you didn't worst."

He smiled and kissed my cheek before talking. "We can go back to a normal life. We can be happy together."

"I don't understand John. please just tell me so I stop worrying about you."

"I'm leaving the hospital today." I didn't stop hugging him until we left.


	11. Chapter 11

**Final chapter. Hope you enjoy this. Keep an eye out for more homestuck fanfictions in the future.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck.**

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We brought John to our apartment. I hadn't let go of him the entire car ride back and was grinning widely. John was finally back, he was going to be okay. He was going to be going home in two days, but he was healthy, and that's all that mattered to me. We spent the whole two days together, then came the time he had to leave.

Bro and I brought him to the airport, so I could say goodbye.

"I'll miss you, Egbert. Please stay safe, and eat." I was so worried he'd get sick again. He had gained some weight while in the hospital, but he could easily lose it again.

"I will Dave. I promised you. Stay safe too. I'll miss you." He gave me a goofy grin.

I pulled him into a tight hug, tears started running down my cheeks. "I'll miss you too. Text me when you get home."

John gave me one last kiss and waved goodbye. "I will. Bye Dave."

"Bye John."

I sobbed on the way home. I didn't know when I would see him again. But now we both had time to recover from the past month and a bit. From now on, there would be no secrets between John and me, like it should have been in the first place.

Next September came, and I was going to a new, more accepting school. My name was legally changed from Elizabeth to Dave. I made a few friends there, and no one ever called me Elizabeth. First the first time, I was being accepted as who I was.

In mid-October, I started Testosterone, the first medical step to being in the right body. I didn't see any difference for a while, but John saw it the next time I visited him.

Christmas break I spent with John, his father, and older sister, Jane. John came out a few months before that and told his dad about us. I was worried that I wouldn't be welcomed as much as I would otherwise, but his family treated me well. They made sure to use the proper pronouns for me, and never once mentioned about me being transgender. The only catch was John and I had to be in different bedrooms at night.

Once we were sixteen, John and I went on a road trip over the summer. We were together for two months, the longest visit ever. We had both gotten much better since we were thirteen. A lot has changed in that time. We were both finally happy.

I graduated grade twelve, something four years ago I never thought I would live to see. I wasn't popular, but I had friends during high school. John was there when I graduated, he ate lots of junk food that day, something he wouldn't have done four years ago. I was going to school near John's town. Next year he was going to the school there too.

We shared an apartment together, he moved in the day before our 6th anniversary. We had made it be adults, somehow after all of this, we were still here together. I was studying to be a doctor, I wanted to help children like John and I were. I wanted to help them make sure they lived a full life. John, he was going to open a bakery one day. Somehow the worst things to us as teenagers made us follow this path. Neither we got back into our terrible habits.

One day I was sitting on the couch when John came home.

"Hey, Dave? Remember when I was in the hospital for anorexia?" He seemed really nervous. I thought that maybe he had gotten back into those habits. "Remember how I said we could be happy together?"

My mind jumped to him wanting to break up, but I replied, "Yes I remember, Why?"

"I love you Dave, and I want to be happy. I can't be happy with just being your boyfriend."

I did a double take. Was he really breaking up with me? "John, what are you talking about?"

He got down on one knee, and said, "Dave Elizabeth Strider, the only way I could be happy, is to be with you. Will you marry me?"

I ran into his arms a sobbed.

"Yes, I love you."


End file.
